I Can’t Make You Love Me

I can’t make you love me even if I wanted to.  I can’t make you love me even when it’s all I want.  It’s been so many years since I first laid eyes on you and granted I didn’t think we would be here where we are now.  Every day it seems like I wake up next to a person I don’t know and sometimes it’s a person that I don’t want to know.  I feel like somewhere along the line we got off track no fault of either of ours.  It would be easy for me just to blame it on you, like that would make me feel differently if I could blame someone other than myself.  Blaming someone else wouldn’t change anything though and it wouldn’t fix it either.  Somewhere I got lost and forgot how to be me, who I am.  I am afraid that I might not get back to that person or remember how to be that person even if I found her.  I want to though.  I feel so unappreciated but I’m almost certain that you feel the same way too.  How do I know this?  I see it in your eyes when you kiss me, that wonder, it hits me like a ton of bricks.  It’s like looking in a mirror wondering if you see it in my eyes.  When we kiss there’s nothing.  That spark seems to be missing now.  Was it that fight we had last night?  Or is it all the fights we have had over the years wearing me down and wearing you down? 

I can’t make you love me, but sometimes I wish I felt more like you still wanted to.  Sometimes when you tell me that when I am talking you just shake your head so that I think you are listening.  How about when I am always telling you to get to the point when you are telling me something.  It’s like we can’t stand the sound of each others voices anymore.  Where did it all go wrong?  When did we stop appreciating each other, stop loving each other the way we used to?  It feels like we are growing apart instead of growing closer.  I don’t even know if you can fix something that is so broke, so messed up. 

I have faith that maybe I can make you love me, again.  Make you see me the way you saw me so many years ago.  I have faith that when I roll over in the morning that your face is what I am going to be looking at for the rest of my life.  That when you kiss me I feel that spark, that I close my eyes and it takes me back to that first kiss we shared.  That when you hold my hand it makes my heart warm with the thoughts of all the ups and downs we have shared throughout our lives and how we have overcome all of them together.  I believe that if I appreciate you more even when I don’t think you deserve it inside I will feel like I am making an effort to mend this broken.  I hope that you can help me by holding my hand and walking with me through all this till the end.  Until we are old, and gray and our kids have all grown up and made families of their own.  Until we see our grandkids smiles and watched them for a while find their way in this world.  I just hope that in the end we can forgive each other for all the things we should have done, all the things we didn’t do, and all the things we shouldn’t have done.  I just want to say that I love you.

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